Practice Makes More Better

I feel stagnant. Is that the right word? I feel as though I'm not going anywhere. The shock of my admittance to OSU has finally worn off (it is still a bit of a buzz when I really think about it though), and like the pessimist I am, I'm already fearing leaving. Not leaving high school, I mean leaving college.

Maybe I'm building it up too much. But I've seen people walk in and out of those doors on campus all my life. Ohio State is my home, I'm loyal to it. It's like Narnia, or Disneyland, or the Pokemon Center; an absolute miracle that I got in!

But the point is that my college life is so far away. I want something exciting to happen now. Dunno for the life of me what, but I feel as though there is something else that I'm supposed to be very excited about that I'm just not.

I want to be able to write like Frost, to draw like Van Gogh, to accomplish extraordinary things in every ordinary day, and when that doesn't happen I am thoroughly disappointed. Am I supposed to lower my expectations, or rewire my idea of accomplishment? I want to get excited at the littlest thing. Life is so much more fun that way! Yet lately, all these annoying little thoughts have come into my mind, "is my room clean enough?" "Did I organize the books the way I want them?" "What will I bring with me when I leave?" "Why do I seem to keep putting on weight?" "Does everyone think I'm eccentric? Or worse?" These little thoughts never seem to leave me alone, and it's hard to be happy with them buzzing in and out of my ears. Go away little thoughts, you're not wanted. Let me be joyous and adventurous and meet my deadlines!