Practice Makes More Better

I feel stagnant. Is that the right word? I feel as though I'm not going anywhere. The shock of my admittance to OSU has finally worn off (it is still a bit of a buzz when I really think about it though), and like the pessimist I am, I'm already fearing leaving. Not leaving high school, I mean leaving college.

Maybe I'm building it up too much. But I've seen people walk in and out of those doors on campus all my life. Ohio State is my home, I'm loyal to it. It's like Narnia, or Disneyland, or the Pokemon Center; an absolute miracle that I got in!

But the point is that my college life is so far away. I want something exciting to happen now. Dunno for the life of me what, but I feel as though there is something else that I'm supposed to be very excited about that I'm just not.

I want to be able to write like Frost, to draw like Van Gogh, to accomplish extraordinary things in every ordinary day, and when that doesn't happen I am thoroughly disappointed. Am I supposed to lower my expectations, or rewire my idea of accomplishment? I want to get excited at the littlest thing. Life is so much more fun that way! Yet lately, all these annoying little thoughts have come into my mind, "is my room clean enough?" "Did I organize the books the way I want them?" "What will I bring with me when I leave?" "Why do I seem to keep putting on weight?" "Does everyone think I'm eccentric? Or worse?" These little thoughts never seem to leave me alone, and it's hard to be happy with them buzzing in and out of my ears. Go away little thoughts, you're not wanted. Let me be joyous and adventurous and meet my deadlines!

Nobody Dumps THIS

One of my very dear friends Chrissy got dumped by her boyfriend over Christmas Break.

He said things just werent really working out so they might as well just cut it off. Okay, that's a good breakup line: no one is blaming anyone and no one is yelling. The problem was that not only was he yelling, he wasn't talking either. He was texting.

This, my friends, is a social outrage. Breakups through texts just aren't done. There are songs written about how horrible an idea this is. I told my dad this story, and I happened to mention that it had only been a couple of weeks that they had been going out (actually I think it was about a month) and his response, to my complete horror, was that since it was only a few weeks that a text breakup wasn't that bad. I mean I know it wasn't that long that they were actually dating, but I remember all that time that she had spent talking about him before they went out (she only ever referred to him as Somebody), and how much she had liked him, and to break up through a text is rude, selfish, brattish, and has turned a number of girls against him. No one wants to go out with a breakup texter. Really.

Today at lunch, Chrissy had been turned once again onto the subject of her ex, and after ranting for a while, as is her style, she motioned up and down her torso a couple of times and exclaimed, "Nobody dumps THIS!" I believe there might have been a bit of thrusting involved in this action as well, as the boys at our table gave her all kinds of crazy looks. All the girls at our table started laughing, and the random people going by might have stared at us a little (but then, they always do). Take that Jeff. Nobody dumps this. You just went from Somebody to Nobody.

Loyalty

I think I have a problem with loyalty. Well, I don't have a problem "with" loyalty, I have a problem of loyalty. I'm too loyal, basically to the point of being stubborn. If I have somehow created a loyalty to something, then I will defend it to the bitter end, probably even if it no longer deserves my loyalty. (I'm not sure about this, however, because I cant remember a time when something I'm loyal to has failed me. But that might be some rose-colored glasses talking.)

Here's one example - Mac. I love Macs. I love the Apple store, I love Apple products, I love everything to do with Apple and Macintosh and that good old rainbow apple. I feel a great loyalty to them, maybe partly because everyone has always been telling me that Macs are better for artwork than any other computer. Partly because I put such an emphasis on the products I buy looking good. Also partly because of Dinosaur, my first iPod that served me so spectacularly for so long until Christmas when I finally moved on (I'm really going to miss that iPod though). My loyalty to Apple sometimes makes me do crazy things, like insisting on buying the case for my new iPod, Egg, from my local Apple store in order to support it, even though the case is probably half as expensive online. One of the best parts about being loyal to something, however, is the absolute joy I get from those products; more than I get from my laptop or scanner for instance. I love my Mac, and my iPod, and that's sure not changing any time soon.

Where my loyalties become a problem for me, however, is when music is involved. See, I have two loyalties when it comes to my iTunes collection: Pokemon and Radio U. Consequently, my collection reflects that, being about 2/3 music found on Radio U, and about 1/3 music from the Pokemon games and anime. I love my collection dearly, every song I have is just so reflective of me. The problem is, I want other music. I have a list of about 20 songs that my friends have gotten me interested in that are not from either of the above categories. Songs such as Sandstorm, Paper Planes, Viva La Vida, and Float On. I know these songs are well known (which is usually a con in my pro/con list), and I know these songs are good, but I don't know if I should get them or not. I have a loyalty to Radio U and these songs are definitely not Radio U. This little problem of mine probably seems inconsequential to others, especially others who fill up their iPods with music that they've gotten off of Torrent or (gasp!) Limewire. However because of my loyalties to the bands I listen to, I don't do that either. So the question is; do I break down and buy the songs? I'm just not sure!