Did you know Rupert Grint is arachnaphobic?
It's happened again; I've become way too attached to something and now I no longer know what to do with myself. I've just recently realized that i have loyalty problems. Not the way that it sounds, no, it turns out that I am, in fact, much too loyal for my own good. I know that this has happened before although I admit that I don't remember when. But I remember this feeling of, I don't know exactly, emptiness, when it's done. Harry Potter had fallen off the map of my life for a while, a number of years really, because of a number of reasons. I was working hard at keeping my grades up, improving my artwork and learning the name of every Pokemon in existence. More than any of those reasons, however, it was because I was scared to read the books again. I was never sure quite why I was scared; it was something about my competitiveness. I felt that people already knew so much more about the books than I would, and that reading them again would be too... confusing, perhaps? I really don't quite know what that feeling was, but I dreaded the thought of those books (and movies) for a long time, as if I was scared of them.
But I wanted to remember the last book, before I saw the end. So I invoked a challenge for myself. I read all seven books in seven days, the week preceeding the release of the final movie. The more I read, the more I remembered, the more I learned, the more excited I became. The books became exciting again, as exciting as they were when I was in second grade, listening to them being read to me for the first time. The more I read, the more excited I became by them. I couldn't put them down for anything. When at last they were over, I headed straight to a marathon of the first seven books, I made a Ravenclaw outfit for myself, I became entranced with the music flowing through the movies, music that I had never noticed before but now became so pivotal to the series in my mind.
I saw the movie at midnight. My emotions at this point were beyond expressing, I felt a lasting high from excitement, and adrenaline buzzed inside me for not only the hour we were sitting there waiting for the movie to start, but also for the length of the movie; I'm not sure I even blinked, for fear of missing something. I would never be able to give an honest evaluation of the movie, my opinion so biased by the fact that it is Harry Potter and nothing else matters. They finished it, and I watched it, it happened. I cried a lot, more so than any other time when it was over.
But the problem is that more than anything I don't want it to be over. I've finally caught myself up with the series, a little late I'm afraid, and now I don't know what to do with myself. I mean, there's one thing left to look forward to, and that's Pottermore, but I'm desperately scared that I'm not going to be one of the ones getting in two months early, which is the first problem. The second problem is that none of my friends are getting on board this mini Hogwarts express with me. So often I find that I hang onto a bandwagon much longer than anyone else I know, and this is certainly one of those times. I don't know what's going to happen to the Potter world now, and that's what scares me. It's already heightened my emotions incredibly, so that whenever, in my second round of re-reading, I come across a character like Fred I feel like crying. I hate having an uncertain future for such a major part of my life at the moment. I don't know if I'm explaining myself clearly at the moment, but I do know that the more I talk about it here the less my roommates and parents will have to hear my go on and on about it, which would probably be a plus for them.
The point is that I don't know what to do with myself now. There's no new Harry Potter to look forward to, but I want so desperately for it to not be over that I have ended up making myself slightly miserable. I'm re-reading the books again, but then that brings into the question of buying the books so that I don't have to keep borrowing the series from my mom (she might appreciate having a series that doesn't end up kidnapped by her daughter for months on end), and buying the series brings up the question of hardcover or paperback, and then the question of the movies, and more importantly getting the soundtracks (somehow these have become more important than the movies). I love these books so much, and I feel at the moment like anything else I read will simply be... inadequate!
But now I have simply started rambling, and I have no milk in the refrigerator. The point is that I am not done talking about the series. I am not done thinking about the series, and I cannot really read it in public at the moment because I am apparently not done crying about the series either. I want a quill pen.
